Tuesday, September 25, 2012
After years of research I have definitively established that everyone must drink to excess. My personal closely documented (by local law enforcement) research has conclusively shown that excessive alcohol is necessary to the healthy development of brain cells. Prior studies, now debunked, on the effect of alcohol on brain cells, claim that alcohol kills brain cells and conclude that as a result alcohol is not good. Now, after my extensive personal research it is conclusively established, for the first time, the truth has been scientifically exposed. While alochol does kill brain cells it only kills the weak and sick brain cells. This, of course, is a necessary process. The brain, as you no doubt are aware, has a Brazillian brain cells. As a result, since a person's brain is limited in size by their skull, these Brazillian brain cells crowd each other out. This weakens all brain cells. As a result of this overcrowding brain cells are not able to function to their full capacity. When alcohol kills brain cells is thus good, because it gives healthy brain cells room to grow and function more fully. The net result is that the brain literally 'buzzes' with active brain cells. A side benefit of my personal research is that I have also conclusively proved the truth of the old saying that a person gets a 'buzz' from alcohol. My personal research thus conclusively proves that alcohol, like wolves, are good. Just as wolves only kill weak and sick elk, so too alcohol only kills weak and sick brain cells. You are welcome. Bottoms up!
Posted by Go Figure at 8:46 AM